People

I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that people will always show you up. the only difference is that some do it consiously and purposely while others just cant help themselves. Life in itself is a lesson. And I'm learning. Boy am I learning! Anyway, its late and office beckons. I will be back....when remains to be seen :-)

LEFE (TROSSEAU)

LEFE (TROSSEAU)
Was going to do a truly lenghty piece on this subject but I think short and to the point works better. There are too many angles to the issue but I chose to not get mired in the exceptions to the case.
For the non-Hausa Speakers, Lefe refers to the tradition of the groom (or his family as the case may be) presenting the bride with a trousseau, an entire wardrobe in most cases, which can include, amongst other things, Ankara, Laces, Lingerie, Cosmetics, Jewellery, Toiletries, Shoes & Bags and a host of other things. They are all packaged in a set of boxes befitting of the items to be presented. Now, the quantity and quality depend entirely on the families involved. While the man might not be able to match what the girl has been used in her family, a fair effort is usually acknowledged and appreciated as we all know not all pockets are equal.
In recent times though, there has been an outpouring of outrage on the expectations on the man. Some families have turned the Lefe into an acquisition programme and a chance to get tongues wagging. It has in turn made men wary of marrying into certain families as it is believed their requirements will be steep. That notwithstanding, Lefe should not be blamed for the avarice and greed of the society. The unreasonable demands are not the fault of the Lefe but rather an indicator of the times we are in and I stand solely behind the continuance of this culture.
As an individual who has enjoyed her Lefe to the full, I can say one thing for it. The quality and quantity also determines the drain on the man’s pocket after the marriage. Have I lost you? Let me elaborate. In preparing Lefe, the man almost always gets help from his family. It is a rare occasion when the man does everything by himself. His entire family feels obligated to contribute to the “scheme”. When the Lefe is presented with all the requirements met satisfactorily, It first and foremost indicates to the woman’s family the regard their daughter is held (of course there are always exceptions to the case!). Secondly, it eliminates the need for the woman (here I must say, a reasonable woman) to start requesting for money to upgrade her wardrobe. I have known of couples who have gone three years at the start of marriage without the man having to give money for buying clothes, jewellery, perfumes, etc. There are instances where less than a year into the marriage, the man is giving a monthly wardrobe fund to the wife which could feed an entire family elsewhere. If you present a proper Lefe, you get a rest from all that, especially as you cannot go to your family to request for money to meet your wife’s requests and needs.
Another direct impact of the Lefe is that the woman’s parents tend to reciprocate when d daughter gives birth with the box or boxes they bring (This is a northern culture which I of course love!). With the additional items provided there, you can get as much as five years of low wardrobe maintenance. Of course their will be the occasional item you see and can’t resist but in entirety, you are better off with presenting a respectable Lefe. Your peace of mind and future bank balance might very well depend on it!

This Country called NIGERIA

Life in Nigeria seems to be turning into a series of mountains, hurdles and impossibilities these days.
Blackout, no water, blackout, no food, blackout, no money, blackout, blackout, blackout. That seems to be the endless circle Nigeria seems to have fallen into. It is so very very disheartening and sad to see d continuous downward spiral we have fallen into. There seems to be no way out, especially with a Government that seems hellbent on doing nothing but making life even more stressful and hopeless. I have taken to asking myself if we can ever find a way out and if there is anything we as Nigerians can do to improve our lot. I infuse my self with warm feelings of love and nostalgia for nigeria as it was and should be only to fall back into the pattern of frustration and cursing of Nigeria we all seem unable to get out of. This has recently got me thinking, could we be partly responsible? Im sure every culture and religion has the belief that the evil eye and bad mouth should be avoided at all costs, lest it catches on but it seems that with our own words and actions, we have given up completely on on these country. Who then will pray for Nigeria, wish Nigeria well, praise it in the hopes the angels will hear and say Amen along with us. I ask myself why when someone stares overly long at my children or compliments tham, I instantly say Masha Allah or La hawla wala quwwata lest some negative vibes are passed on to them. The white man will knock on wood to avoid misfortune, u hear our Ibo brothers say tu fiakwa or the more popular "God forbid". When have we ever stood up for Nigeria and tried to cleanse it of the aura of darkness and misery. Why do we assume its okay to continually bring down our only Country but still expect it to rise against the collective weight of our negative diatribes.
While I dont think that the effort to rebrand Nigeria should be a fortune-engulfing project, I fervently believe that we need to rebrand our thoughts and feelings about Nigeria. Afterall, if no matter how irresponsible or spoilt a child gets, you can never give up on putting the child right and praying because if u do, who will do it for u? I vote we all try and think positively and pray for Nigeria. Afterall, it doesnt cost us anything and we will benefit from being sorrounded with positivity instead of negative thoughts and forces.

NIGERIA AND TERRORISM

The past week has been a shocking one for Nigerians. An attempted terror attack by a Nigerian and the loss of our former First Lady, Dr Mrs Maryam Babangida. She was a woman loved by all who met her, a wife, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a leader in her own right. She will be sorely missed and we pray God grants her eternal rest and her family the fortitude to bear the irreparable loss.

Nigerians, in the deepest part of their subconscious, would never have thought we will be in the news for an act of terrorism- though I should rephrase; international terrorism. It was such a shock to see the breaking news ticker about an attempted attack. Half an hour later, it was updated to reflect that a Nigerian national was the suspect. I simply didn’t believe it. We were all convinced that come morning, we will be proven right when they discover it was some African who had obtained our easily-obtained passport and used it. Then the name came up, still disbelief. No way would someone from my country do that! By the next morning, rumors were flying about the identity of the suspected terrorist. It was even more unbelievable. While not particularly close to the family, I have met a number of them and am friendly with one. They have always impressed me with their demeanor, humility, modesty and just being “them”. It couldn’t be true! But then confirmation came. The shock was simply too much. How could that have happened? Where could it have happened?

After the initial shock, I still couldn’t hold it together. I actually started feeling physically sick. My thoughts kept going to the parents. How do they feel? How on earth do they reconcile the son they brought into this world 23 years ago with this act? When it was made known that the father had reported his son’s activities to the authorities, that hit me really hard. What kind of pain must the father have gone through? It takes a strong, deeply religious person with unshakeable faith to be able to accept his son could even be thinking such and report his activities. He put his religion above his family and did the right thing. Oh Lord, how it must have hurt him. How difficult it must have been for the family to accept that was the best thing to do. Parents by default are programmed to save their offspring. In a manner, he did save his soul. It would have been unforgivable, taking the lives of 289 people. Somehow, I tell myself that the actions of the family, the parents somehow reduced the enormity of it. Allah knows best but he is a God who listens to our cries and prayers.

I sat down on the 25^th, watching television while my niece played and jumped around me. Every time I looked at her, I felt a shiver down me. I kept thinking of my own kids. Imagining Umar Farouq’s mother looking at him as a new born baby, as a toddler, learning to walk, talk, run. Grow up, talk to her, laugh with her, hug her and I couldn’t stop crying. She never imagined this, never asked for this but it happened. It’s easy to condemn him but I prefer to condemn his actions. I tell myself that no parent should be able to condemn him because though in the eyes of the west he is a man, in my culture, he is merely a boy. I feel a mother’s pain, a mother’s anguish every single time I see his face on the news. How could it all have gone wrong for him? His siblings, their extended families, his extended family, the list goes on. Despite everything, despite all that could have happened, I still find it hard to blame him as a person. I so admire his father’s strength of character and I pray Allah soothes his pain, makes his burden easier to bear through his faith. I pray Allah gives the mother the strength to bear this, soothes her pain and heartbreak, and gives her solace in her children and grand children. May he strengthen her faith. And to his siblings, I pray to Allah to also lighten their burdens, give them the strength to bear peoples talks, looks and judgment. Remember the good in him, pray for him and above all, be strong for your parents and remain by their sides to strengthen them. No one can ever know what they are all going through but we can all pray for them.

There have been various responses and outpourings from all over Nigeria and the world. There have been mixed reactions understandably. I was watching situation room on CNN and while reporting on the case, Wolf Blitzer himself had to speak about the kind of courage Alhaji Umar Mutallab has to be able to report the activities of his son. I wished I could go on TV to let everyone know, that is My Religion, My Islam, the Religion of Peace. It abhors violence and dictates that you must uphold that tenet, even at the detriment of family and self. Of course it’s not surprising to note that non-Muslims have been the most critical, being downright insulting in some cases. That is a product of ignorance but it saddens me that we are so obviously divided in Nigeria that something like this only brings up calls for Secession from certain groups. We are first and foremost human beings and to think that this people cannot sit and ask themselves how this could have happened, sympathize with his family. All I want to say on this is, we need to all find love, forgiveness and understanding in our hearts. Enough said.

May Allah help him find his way back, forgive him his intentions and actions. May Allah continue to provide succor for his family. And may we learn to love ourselves as a people irrespective of religion and ethnicity. AMIN.

June 2008 already?

2008 is fast winding up! Can still remember new year day and its already half way thru. What have I achieved this year so far? Have I pursued my real passions or am I too lazy to reach for the sky and exceed my expectations? I know I need to get off my ass cos I ve been making too many excuses. At least lay a foundation to start with. Too many ideas is d same as no idea at all. Its just dat my passions are so wide and varied I have no idea how to harness them . Will put my head down and make sure I get into something real soon. I know, I know, more procastination by not giving a time frame but I will, I absolutely promise. See ya then.

Losing momentum

I never seem to keep any momentum with my blogging, dont know whats up with me. Came across an article I wrote abt 6 - 7 years ago and really enjoyed going through it again. Will try my darnest to type it and post real soon. So keep a watch on this page. Latas!!!

I'm Back

I am really really mortified that I have let my blogg fans down. Cant explain it but I am back now. Its been Nine months since I wrote in and since then, life has served me its cold and hot dishes. The most significant change in my life is the loss of my dearest friend and sister, Mary Taidi Abu. She passed away on the 7th of July 2007 after a very brief illness while carrying a pregnancy. Though its been a couple of months, I still feel the sharp pain of loss more times than I care for. I proudly used to announce and describe her to people as "my oldest friend ". We had met in Secondary School, in our very first year and formed a bond that has withstood the test of time. My earliest memory of Mary is back in 1990 when a classmate wrote her a love note and she beat him up for (according to her), trying to make her lose her morals. God still cracks me up when I remember. She was my databank of my past. I always forget past events and people from school and she was always there to jog my memory. Many atimes I have called her to share some sad or unhappy event wit me and the share force of her personality and love for life will make me forget I was even unhappy to start with. She was such an integral part of my family and I miss her oh so much. theres so much to say and write but I will save it for tomorrow cos we are in the Holy Month of Ramadan and I'm fasting and have to head for home and the kitchen. But i promise one thing, I will write diligently so please stay with me and lets enjoy the ride, laughing maybe sometimes crying together. I'm out