The end of d year is always a time for sober reflections because it brings close to mind the passing of time. We have loved and lost, cried in pain and sorrow, laughed with joyful abandon. Some prayers were answered, some deepest fears came to light. For all that, I say Alhamdulillah because nothing happens without His will. I pray the end of 2011 finds us all together. If not, may we all serve our purpose before we go. Ameen ya Rabbi.

People

I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that people will always show you up. the only difference is that some do it consiously and purposely while others just cant help themselves. Life in itself is a lesson. And I'm learning. Boy am I learning! Anyway, its late and office beckons. I will be back....when remains to be seen :-)

LEFE (TROSSEAU)

LEFE (TROSSEAU)
Was going to do a truly lenghty piece on this subject but I think short and to the point works better. There are too many angles to the issue but I chose to not get mired in the exceptions to the case.
For the non-Hausa Speakers, Lefe refers to the tradition of the groom (or his family as the case may be) presenting the bride with a trousseau, an entire wardrobe in most cases, which can include, amongst other things, Ankara, Laces, Lingerie, Cosmetics, Jewellery, Toiletries, Shoes & Bags and a host of other things. They are all packaged in a set of boxes befitting of the items to be presented. Now, the quantity and quality depend entirely on the families involved. While the man might not be able to match what the girl has been used in her family, a fair effort is usually acknowledged and appreciated as we all know not all pockets are equal.
In recent times though, there has been an outpouring of outrage on the expectations on the man. Some families have turned the Lefe into an acquisition programme and a chance to get tongues wagging. It has in turn made men wary of marrying into certain families as it is believed their requirements will be steep. That notwithstanding, Lefe should not be blamed for the avarice and greed of the society. The unreasonable demands are not the fault of the Lefe but rather an indicator of the times we are in and I stand solely behind the continuance of this culture.
As an individual who has enjoyed her Lefe to the full, I can say one thing for it. The quality and quantity also determines the drain on the man’s pocket after the marriage. Have I lost you? Let me elaborate. In preparing Lefe, the man almost always gets help from his family. It is a rare occasion when the man does everything by himself. His entire family feels obligated to contribute to the “scheme”. When the Lefe is presented with all the requirements met satisfactorily, It first and foremost indicates to the woman’s family the regard their daughter is held (of course there are always exceptions to the case!). Secondly, it eliminates the need for the woman (here I must say, a reasonable woman) to start requesting for money to upgrade her wardrobe. I have known of couples who have gone three years at the start of marriage without the man having to give money for buying clothes, jewellery, perfumes, etc. There are instances where less than a year into the marriage, the man is giving a monthly wardrobe fund to the wife which could feed an entire family elsewhere. If you present a proper Lefe, you get a rest from all that, especially as you cannot go to your family to request for money to meet your wife’s requests and needs.
Another direct impact of the Lefe is that the woman’s parents tend to reciprocate when d daughter gives birth with the box or boxes they bring (This is a northern culture which I of course love!). With the additional items provided there, you can get as much as five years of low wardrobe maintenance. Of course their will be the occasional item you see and can’t resist but in entirety, you are better off with presenting a respectable Lefe. Your peace of mind and future bank balance might very well depend on it!