Entitled North(erner)

In recent years, I have lost the strength to argue when issues of Nigeria are being discussed. Why? I'm simply tired. Tired and disheartened. Whenever one gets even an iota of hope, all you need is a conversation with a certain group of people. To hear of and see the waste of our resources by those "up there" is enough to make one lose all hope in humanity.


Have you ever woken up, gone the whole day with no meal because you couldn't afford it, absolutely none and no respite on the horizon? Have you ever come across one who has no food to eat, no WATER to drink? I haven't but heard stories directly from those who have. There is a lot of suffering in this Country called Nigeria. So much gut wrenching suffering. I have not travelled this Country of ours much so I might not have the right to make this statement but I say it nonetheless; the kind of Poverty in the North is unsurpassed. Unsurpassed and accelerating at an alarming rate. Unfortunately, there is no end in sight because we are just notches on a long tug rope contest started by our former Northern leaders and being ably sustained by our current crop of ogas at the top. As I see it, a lot of the problems of the North are directly related to two things: A lack of formal education and a ridiculous sense of entitlement.

Recently, I was back home for a turbaning ceremony which brought a lot of the extended family together. It broke me to see cousins I used to play with in secondary school looking like shadows of themselves. Everyone had a story of hardship or suffering to share, discontent to air and of course the obligatory gossip and bitterness. Watching them and listening, tears kept coming to my eyes. Almost all of them had dropped out after secondary school. Some never even finished. Was it the cost? No. A general lack of interest which was apparent since childhood. The thinking of

a:  If I have a relative who can "dash" me money then I'm good because I'm his responsibility. What he does for his wife and children, he MUST do for me. Right. The height of entitlement.
b:  Marriage is the only worthy goal. I will live off the man because I then become his sole                                     responsibility.

What they often fail to realise is that in most cases, you get what you deserve, what you have positioned yourself for. While its true that not everyone is born lucky, sometimes, you have to make your break. Reach higher. We have a vicious circle in the North with so many going uneducated, because their parent's parents used to hide them in huge water urns so that the local authorities could not send them to school so of grew up with no formal education, no hand skills, no livelihood except for a penchant to sit out in front of their houses and talk. Most of them in turn could not afford to educate their children which has been passed down. I really don't think anyone reading this and not from the North can say the percentage of their extended family without jobs, livelihood AND a formal education exceeds 60-70%. Where I come from, its the norm, not the exception. Those who were forced to go pass through secondary school unable to articulate a simple proper sentence in English. Infact, even their thinking in their native language lacks strength. I remember a few years ago, I had a cousin staying with me. She had been under the care of my Mum for years with so much effort being put into educating her but it was always a battle. I was appalled when she, an SS2 student then, couldn't do Primary 1 child's  homework simply because she couldn't read the instruction. A one line instruction. She at least will be made to get into a higher institution, thereby granting her some level of freedom in future.

Already, I'm tired of this rant. It solves nothing, changes nothing. While our leaders still think that education a people can cause them to reach above themselves and revolt, the common Northern man shall continue to suffer, be downtrodden, for both faults of his and those beyond him. The wheels keep turning, the poverty keeps being passed on. Backwardness reaches new heights. One day, the leaders shall also cry for what they failed to do.

I leave you with a little story; On thursday morning, I was on the highway when the car developed a fault of sorts. car started spluttering and slowly came to a stop. Driver barely managed to get off most of the main road before it died. As this was happening, a man, probably in his late 40s or early 50s had been walking on the pavement. He passed us, stopped, then turned round. He stood watching us, on my side of the car while the driver managed to coax the car completely off the road. I sat in the car, using the phone, trying to get some help. After a couple of minutes of me being on the phone, he went  round to the drivers side and started asking for money! I absolutely lost it. I told him off, maybe too strongly, but I di. Asked if he had anything wrong with him, he said no. Asked if he could see I had a problem. He said yes. Goodness! Suffice to say, he left after offering a load of apologies.

Did I mention he was a Hausa man? No? There you have it.

I miss you!

Mehnnn this vacancy Mary....still there like a large hole. Not so deep but still as wide. I laugh more with d tears these days and I so wish Sadiq could remember you. Salma never got the honor but when they grow they will hear all about their crazy beautiful fiercely protective loyal to a fault oh-so-bestest Auntie Mary. Two scenes from the last time you were here keep replaying in my head and I so wish I had recorded it for prosperity but how could I have known what would happen in two weeks? A lot of those dreams and plans I absolutely have to go through because you believed even more than I did. You still push me. I still hear your voice calling me "Omui" when I do something stupid :)so here's to more stupid things/acts! Love you tooo much!!!

The end of d year is always a time for sober reflections because it brings close to mind the passing of time. We have loved and lost, cried in pain and sorrow, laughed with joyful abandon. Some prayers were answered, some deepest fears came to light. For all that, I say Alhamdulillah because nothing happens without His will. I pray the end of 2011 finds us all together. If not, may we all serve our purpose before we go. Ameen ya Rabbi.

People

I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that people will always show you up. the only difference is that some do it consiously and purposely while others just cant help themselves. Life in itself is a lesson. And I'm learning. Boy am I learning! Anyway, its late and office beckons. I will be back....when remains to be seen :-)

LEFE (TROSSEAU)

LEFE (TROSSEAU)
Was going to do a truly lenghty piece on this subject but I think short and to the point works better. There are too many angles to the issue but I chose to not get mired in the exceptions to the case.
For the non-Hausa Speakers, Lefe refers to the tradition of the groom (or his family as the case may be) presenting the bride with a trousseau, an entire wardrobe in most cases, which can include, amongst other things, Ankara, Laces, Lingerie, Cosmetics, Jewellery, Toiletries, Shoes & Bags and a host of other things. They are all packaged in a set of boxes befitting of the items to be presented. Now, the quantity and quality depend entirely on the families involved. While the man might not be able to match what the girl has been used in her family, a fair effort is usually acknowledged and appreciated as we all know not all pockets are equal.
In recent times though, there has been an outpouring of outrage on the expectations on the man. Some families have turned the Lefe into an acquisition programme and a chance to get tongues wagging. It has in turn made men wary of marrying into certain families as it is believed their requirements will be steep. That notwithstanding, Lefe should not be blamed for the avarice and greed of the society. The unreasonable demands are not the fault of the Lefe but rather an indicator of the times we are in and I stand solely behind the continuance of this culture.
As an individual who has enjoyed her Lefe to the full, I can say one thing for it. The quality and quantity also determines the drain on the man’s pocket after the marriage. Have I lost you? Let me elaborate. In preparing Lefe, the man almost always gets help from his family. It is a rare occasion when the man does everything by himself. His entire family feels obligated to contribute to the “scheme”. When the Lefe is presented with all the requirements met satisfactorily, It first and foremost indicates to the woman’s family the regard their daughter is held (of course there are always exceptions to the case!). Secondly, it eliminates the need for the woman (here I must say, a reasonable woman) to start requesting for money to upgrade her wardrobe. I have known of couples who have gone three years at the start of marriage without the man having to give money for buying clothes, jewellery, perfumes, etc. There are instances where less than a year into the marriage, the man is giving a monthly wardrobe fund to the wife which could feed an entire family elsewhere. If you present a proper Lefe, you get a rest from all that, especially as you cannot go to your family to request for money to meet your wife’s requests and needs.
Another direct impact of the Lefe is that the woman’s parents tend to reciprocate when d daughter gives birth with the box or boxes they bring (This is a northern culture which I of course love!). With the additional items provided there, you can get as much as five years of low wardrobe maintenance. Of course their will be the occasional item you see and can’t resist but in entirety, you are better off with presenting a respectable Lefe. Your peace of mind and future bank balance might very well depend on it!

This Country called NIGERIA

Life in Nigeria seems to be turning into a series of mountains, hurdles and impossibilities these days.
Blackout, no water, blackout, no food, blackout, no money, blackout, blackout, blackout. That seems to be the endless circle Nigeria seems to have fallen into. It is so very very disheartening and sad to see d continuous downward spiral we have fallen into. There seems to be no way out, especially with a Government that seems hellbent on doing nothing but making life even more stressful and hopeless. I have taken to asking myself if we can ever find a way out and if there is anything we as Nigerians can do to improve our lot. I infuse my self with warm feelings of love and nostalgia for nigeria as it was and should be only to fall back into the pattern of frustration and cursing of Nigeria we all seem unable to get out of. This has recently got me thinking, could we be partly responsible? Im sure every culture and religion has the belief that the evil eye and bad mouth should be avoided at all costs, lest it catches on but it seems that with our own words and actions, we have given up completely on on these country. Who then will pray for Nigeria, wish Nigeria well, praise it in the hopes the angels will hear and say Amen along with us. I ask myself why when someone stares overly long at my children or compliments tham, I instantly say Masha Allah or La hawla wala quwwata lest some negative vibes are passed on to them. The white man will knock on wood to avoid misfortune, u hear our Ibo brothers say tu fiakwa or the more popular "God forbid". When have we ever stood up for Nigeria and tried to cleanse it of the aura of darkness and misery. Why do we assume its okay to continually bring down our only Country but still expect it to rise against the collective weight of our negative diatribes.
While I dont think that the effort to rebrand Nigeria should be a fortune-engulfing project, I fervently believe that we need to rebrand our thoughts and feelings about Nigeria. Afterall, if no matter how irresponsible or spoilt a child gets, you can never give up on putting the child right and praying because if u do, who will do it for u? I vote we all try and think positively and pray for Nigeria. Afterall, it doesnt cost us anything and we will benefit from being sorrounded with positivity instead of negative thoughts and forces.

NIGERIA AND TERRORISM

The past week has been a shocking one for Nigerians. An attempted terror attack by a Nigerian and the loss of our former First Lady, Dr Mrs Maryam Babangida. She was a woman loved by all who met her, a wife, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a leader in her own right. She will be sorely missed and we pray God grants her eternal rest and her family the fortitude to bear the irreparable loss.

Nigerians, in the deepest part of their subconscious, would never have thought we will be in the news for an act of terrorism- though I should rephrase; international terrorism. It was such a shock to see the breaking news ticker about an attempted attack. Half an hour later, it was updated to reflect that a Nigerian national was the suspect. I simply didn’t believe it. We were all convinced that come morning, we will be proven right when they discover it was some African who had obtained our easily-obtained passport and used it. Then the name came up, still disbelief. No way would someone from my country do that! By the next morning, rumors were flying about the identity of the suspected terrorist. It was even more unbelievable. While not particularly close to the family, I have met a number of them and am friendly with one. They have always impressed me with their demeanor, humility, modesty and just being “them”. It couldn’t be true! But then confirmation came. The shock was simply too much. How could that have happened? Where could it have happened?

After the initial shock, I still couldn’t hold it together. I actually started feeling physically sick. My thoughts kept going to the parents. How do they feel? How on earth do they reconcile the son they brought into this world 23 years ago with this act? When it was made known that the father had reported his son’s activities to the authorities, that hit me really hard. What kind of pain must the father have gone through? It takes a strong, deeply religious person with unshakeable faith to be able to accept his son could even be thinking such and report his activities. He put his religion above his family and did the right thing. Oh Lord, how it must have hurt him. How difficult it must have been for the family to accept that was the best thing to do. Parents by default are programmed to save their offspring. In a manner, he did save his soul. It would have been unforgivable, taking the lives of 289 people. Somehow, I tell myself that the actions of the family, the parents somehow reduced the enormity of it. Allah knows best but he is a God who listens to our cries and prayers.

I sat down on the 25^th, watching television while my niece played and jumped around me. Every time I looked at her, I felt a shiver down me. I kept thinking of my own kids. Imagining Umar Farouq’s mother looking at him as a new born baby, as a toddler, learning to walk, talk, run. Grow up, talk to her, laugh with her, hug her and I couldn’t stop crying. She never imagined this, never asked for this but it happened. It’s easy to condemn him but I prefer to condemn his actions. I tell myself that no parent should be able to condemn him because though in the eyes of the west he is a man, in my culture, he is merely a boy. I feel a mother’s pain, a mother’s anguish every single time I see his face on the news. How could it all have gone wrong for him? His siblings, their extended families, his extended family, the list goes on. Despite everything, despite all that could have happened, I still find it hard to blame him as a person. I so admire his father’s strength of character and I pray Allah soothes his pain, makes his burden easier to bear through his faith. I pray Allah gives the mother the strength to bear this, soothes her pain and heartbreak, and gives her solace in her children and grand children. May he strengthen her faith. And to his siblings, I pray to Allah to also lighten their burdens, give them the strength to bear peoples talks, looks and judgment. Remember the good in him, pray for him and above all, be strong for your parents and remain by their sides to strengthen them. No one can ever know what they are all going through but we can all pray for them.

There have been various responses and outpourings from all over Nigeria and the world. There have been mixed reactions understandably. I was watching situation room on CNN and while reporting on the case, Wolf Blitzer himself had to speak about the kind of courage Alhaji Umar Mutallab has to be able to report the activities of his son. I wished I could go on TV to let everyone know, that is My Religion, My Islam, the Religion of Peace. It abhors violence and dictates that you must uphold that tenet, even at the detriment of family and self. Of course it’s not surprising to note that non-Muslims have been the most critical, being downright insulting in some cases. That is a product of ignorance but it saddens me that we are so obviously divided in Nigeria that something like this only brings up calls for Secession from certain groups. We are first and foremost human beings and to think that this people cannot sit and ask themselves how this could have happened, sympathize with his family. All I want to say on this is, we need to all find love, forgiveness and understanding in our hearts. Enough said.

May Allah help him find his way back, forgive him his intentions and actions. May Allah continue to provide succor for his family. And may we learn to love ourselves as a people irrespective of religion and ethnicity. AMIN.